A past is like your soul. It remains with you till the day you die.
When she saw other people, who are content, happy and are settled in life, she often wondered, 'What was their past like?','Did they also have many affairs before they settled down?, 'Did they also have loose characters?', 'Did they steal?', 'Did they lie?', 'Did they hurt their parents in return of the love they got?'.
She lived in the world of dreams. Every decision she took was on the spur of the moment never realising what the outcome could be. She dreamt that she would be famous. How couldn't she? She was talented.She dreamt that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. And why not? She was pretty, but so were others. She dreamt that she would be the world's richest woman. She had it all planned, she would marry the richest guy which would make her the richest woman automatically.
She lived in a bubble and when, one day, the bubble would burst, it would hurt no one but her.
She was very self conscious. Every where she went, she felt that people knew about her. They knew how bad she had been. The girl was worried that it would affect her present. Ofcourse, she tried to hide these. She would be extra sweet or sometimes,extra defensive. Even if someone,asked her where she went to school, she lied. She wanted the world to know that she had a life that people would only imagine in movies or in a different world. Her life had to be perfect. She had to be an all-rounder. Everybody she met should have an impression about her on how lovely she is and this made her a compulsive lier.
She was aware of this and wanted to stop it. For she, herself didn't know the person she really was.
Like when you meet someone,you can tell, if the person is meek or friendly,smart or dumb, dominating or a pushover, a gossip monger or nonchalant.
With her, you could never tell who she is. You would have a different opinion about her each time you met her. Was she suffering from personality disorder? Was it an alter ego? No one knew.
But this would disturb her to an extent where she thought she would go mad. Was her mind playing games with her?
She wanted to sort her life out. But how? She didn't want conselling? She didn't want anybody to know her weakness. Remember she was self-conscious. But she had to start. She had to start somewhere.
