My all....

She asked me,"Why you distant now?"

"What makes you think that?",I said.

"I know you well. I have known every one of your heartbeats. Every breath that you took, in happiness or in woe, I felt it... sometimes with tears of happiness and sometimes with exhilerating pain.",she said.

"I never knew how you did that.", I replied,

"And you never will," she smiled,"You never will have what I have for you, what I have gone through with you. You will never feel it. But the truth also remains that I have been there for you. Always had the shoulder for you when you needed one. Stood by you when you were wrong, but never deserted you like the rest did. Always loved you selflessly..you are my identity, my reason to grow in life. You brought me happiness and joy that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world."

I looked at her blankly. Didn't know what to say. Had I dissapointed her in any way? I had asked her that.

"Not at all.", she chuckled,"Not at all honey..You could never do anything in the world for me to even remotely think that about you."
"But I can't do this anymore", she sighed, " I need you now. You're old enough to understand that aren't you. This time I need the shoulder. I need you to wipe my tears. I need your support. I need YOU."

"You think I'll live up to it?", I asked.

"I'm not forcing you love, it's your choice."she said. "I will just pray for you to be happy."

"I've made up my mind," I spoke with tears in my eyes now. "I want to do this..I want to be there for you. Just like you are. You are everything that I have. You are my all. I love you Mum. I love you."

Hormonal!

It's hard you know.. it really is. It's the time of my monthly cycle and as much as you read about this in health magazines, watch Dr Oz advising on this on Oprah, you just can't control that sudden rush of your hormones.

You're happy one minute, like you've been titled the 'most beautiful and luckiest girl in the world' and then you feel like a earthquake victim having lost all your belongings and your loved ones left with absolutely NOTHING!

It's hard to take over them. They totally invade you.

I hate this feeling. I want to fight this. I mean it is ,after all, mind over matter.

The adrenalin was so high in the morning that I was ready to bungee jump off the Grand Canyon, but now it's late in the night and I can vouch that I dont have any serious issues of life. God has been kind. Yet the thought of just letting everything go and vrying my heart out (on nothing..) is very tempting. I won't though.. I know better. But that still doesn't convince the thoughts.

Stupid Hormones!